To dare, to dream, to win: July 2006

time wun wait for u..

i should have followed by the ymd spirit of "先接受，后挑战".. but i didn't and as a result, time didn't wait for me...

but i shall not only look towards monetary gains.. i believe there will be reasons for this arrangement..such as for my short term goal to be reached..i experienced blessings in disguise, and this might be one of them..

ndp preview...nice fireworks

hmmm. abt today's performance.. though we got full attendance.. ya think 1st time.. nan de rite.. but i feel that though all came. the performance is not there.. think maybe not even as gd as NE show.. seriously la. the 1st light formation already light are on b4 they shd. and flower formation. think one guy run wrong position, affect everyone... cos my marker occupied with ppl ..

other than position... the musical note formation also.. red . still got ppl on yellow. ok la. sometimes such thing bo bian happens. but seriously even till now still got ppl during training keep joking.. it's ok to joke but when it's time to be serious. they shd. but they didnt.. hopefully they can realise it ..

anyway today they only put 3 layer tower for the show. i really hope they can make it to a 4 layer on the actual day.. cos they done it already b4 n i know it will be super nice for them to do it

NUSSD orientation..

yeah today's the orientation.. fun but tired.. cos it is a whole day event. which include 食字路口.. yeah the one u see on tv.. but sad n paiseh to say .. didn't really do my job as an ogl n facilitor.. though i tried.. not my cup of tea .. just slip into my comfort zone whenever i have the chance.. slack me..

ndp preview tmr! we will n must put up a gd show! n hope the 5 layer tower go out

blessing in disguise?

supposed to work today at rp, as i said yday, but end up they no need ppl.. but today alumni house called n ask for help n so we went down.. working tmr also n next thurs also... ya ended up having more work... haha

orientation on fri.. nervous. jitters.. oh no

wat an enriching study meeting

yeah. went tbsc for study meeting.. a bit dun wan to go at 1st.. too lazy.. but in the end i went.. and glad i did...

today's topic is on "Attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime"..very meaningful lecture.. there is this quote from Ikeda sensei.. sth to this extent " In our life, there is bound to be sufferings.. wat is important is that we must summon the courage and strength to overcome these sufferings." yes. sufferings will always be there. tell me of a person who can escape from all that.. and also another thing meaningful is that "this Buddhism teach us to come to this world not to suffer (despite the many sufferings) but to enjoy".. how true.. and seriously, this world we live in is real one.. and so are the sufferings.. wat is paradise? wat is other worlds? heaven? hell? someone prove that to me

anyway Buddhahood is not some superhuman.. but actually a state of life, of having the strength, compassion, courage etc, to overcome all obstacles and remain in a high life condition in the face of challenges...there is also another quote which goes like this "obstacles are just an illusion, which arise from the lack of self belief in ability and confidence".. this is actually quite true for me in the sense i dun really like to speak out in front of a large crowd, esp when there are strangers... lack of confidence? most probably...

there is another interesting but true thing "when ur life changes, the world changes".. eg if maybe u n ur parents are always quarrelling, but if one day u decided to be nice to them, i suppose they might also notice the change and reciporate it.. and there are many examples to go on with..

anyway today is a very special day.. haha.. hope u like that gift.. went cwp eat jack's place, free treat lol.but seriously the curry sucks!!! fish fillet in CURRY?! .. in e end i dip in the chilli better... and there was no student meal $#!$!$!.. haha cheap n nice.. hmm.. walk walk ard... oh ya went arcade.. see uncle play the "sweets roulette" basically is those rotating thing with lots of sweets inside and got a scoop to scoop the sweets into ur own "board" then will slowly push the sweets out when ur board is full... and i think when u reach a certain weight, got special prize (which is just a soft toy).. then think 1 scoop cost 1 credit ( or 1 dollar) and i think e uncle use like 50 credits or sth lor.. scary.. he got 2 special prize.. can see how long he played.. and there are like 6-7 ppl watching him . .haha

nv go swensen today.. someone owe me a ice cream treat..haha.. had bubble tea.. maybe shd have went gelare for waffles instead since today's a tue.. nvm next time got chance. ha

hmm, oh ya. no job tmr.. supposed to work at RP tmr.. thought can go the new sch look look.. in the end say no need us anymore.. !#!@#!#!... yawn.. not like the pay is a lot zz

Finding Your Mission -- by Daisaku Ikeda

My fren send this to the yahoo grp, find it very meaningful so here it is...

How do I discover my mission in life?
First, I want to repeat that you won't find it by standing still. What's important is that you challenge yourself in something, it doesn't matter what. Then by making consistent effort, the direction you should take will open up before you naturally. It's important, therefore, to have the courage to ask yourself what you should be doing now, this very moment.

The key, in other words, is to climb the mountain that is right before you. As you ascend its slopes, you will develop your muscles, increasing your strength and endurance. Such training will enable you to challenge still higher mountains. It is vital that you continue making such efforts.

Climb the mountain in front of you. When you reach the summit, wide new horizons will stretch out before you. Little by little, you will understand your mission.

Those who remember they have a unique mission are the strong ones. Whatever their problems, they will never be defeated. They can transform all of their problems into catalysts for growth toward a hope-filled future.

Life is about scaling one mountain, then facing the next one, followed by the one after that. Those who persevere and finally succeed in conquering the highest mountain are victors in life. On the other hand, those who avoid such challenges and take the easy route, descending into the valleys, will end in defeat. To put it simply, we have two choices in life: We can either climb the mountain before us or descend into the valley.

TALENT

Everyone has some kind of gift. Being talented doesn't just mean being a good musician, writer or athlete -- there are many kinds of talent. For instance, you may be a great conversationalist or make friends easily or put others at ease. Or you may have a gift for nursing, a knack for telling jokes, selling things or economizing. You may be always punctual, patient, reliable, kind or optimistic. You may love new challenges or be strongly committed to peace or to bringing joy to others.

As Nichiren taught, each of us is as unique as a cherry blossom, plum blossom, peach blossom or damson blossom. Each blossom is distinctly wondrous; accordingly, each blooms in the way that only it can.

Without a doubt each person has an innate talent. The question is: How do you discover that talent? The only way is to exert yourself to the limit in whatever is before you. Your true potential will emerge when you give everything you've got to your studies, sports, extracurricular activities or whatever you are engaged in.

The important thing is that you get into the habit of challenging yourself to the limit. In a sense, the results you get are not so important. The actual grades you receive in high school, for instance, won't decide the rest of your life. But the habit of pushing yourself to the limit will in time bear fruit. It will distinguish you from others without fail. It will bring your unique talent to shine.

THE RIGHT JOB

What should I look for when trying to find the right job?

Tsunesaburo Makiguchi, the first president of the Soka Gakkai, taught that there are three kinds of value: beauty, benefit and good. In the working world, to find a job you like corresponds to the value of beauty; to get a job that earns a salary that can support your daily life corresponds to the value of benefit; and the value of good means finding a job that helps others and contributes to society.

Not many can find the perfect job from the start. Some may have a job they like, but it doesn't put food on the table; or their job may pay well, but they hate it. That's the way things go sometimes. Also, some discover that they're just not cut out for the career they had dreamed of.

My mentor, Josei Toda, emphasized the importance of first becoming indispensable wherever you are. Instead of moaning that a job falls short of what you'd like to be doing, he said, become a first-class individual at that job. This will open the path leading to your next phase in life, during which you should also continue doing your best. Such continuous efforts are guaranteed to land you a job that you like, that supports your life, and that allows you to contribute to society.

Then, when you look back later, you will see how all your past efforts have become precious assets in your ideal field. You will realize that none of your efforts and hardships have been wasted.

CHANGING CAREERS
What if you start following one dream but have a change of heart and want to pursue a different path? That's perfectly all right. Few people end up doing what they planned or dreamed of doing in the beginning. In my case, I wanted to be a newspaper reporter, but my poor health prevented me from pursuing that profession. Today, however, I have become a writer.

At one point, I worked for a small publishing company. Because of its small staff, I had to work very hard -- but, because of that, I gained a great deal of practical experience.

After the war, I worked for another small operation, but what I went through on that job gave me a chance to really look at myself. Everything I learned back then is of value to my life now. The important thing is to develop yourself in your present situation and to take control of your growth. Once you have decided on a job, I hope you will not be the kind of person who quits at the drop of a hat or is always insecure and complaining. Nevertheless, if after you've given it your all, you decide that your job isn't right for you and you move on, that's all right, too.

Taking your place as a member of society is a challenge; it is a struggle to survive. But wherever you are is exactly where you need to be, so strive there to the best of your ability.

A tree doesn't grow strong and tall within one or two days. In the same way, successful people didn't become successful in only a few years. This applies to everything.

NOT WORKING

Some view work as an unpleasant chore they must do to earn money to support their leisure activities. But in the words of a character from The Lower Depths, by Maxim Gorky: "When work is a pleasure, life is a joy' When work is a duty, life is slavery." Your attitude toward work -- even your college classwork, which may take up the better part of your day decisively determines your quality of life.

A friend of mine, the late philosophy professor David Norton, once said:

Many students are caught up in the notion that the only purpose of employment is to earn money, that happiness means having money to gratify their desires. But since there is no limit to those desires, they can never truly be satisfied. Real happiness is found in work itself. Through work, one can develop (and fulfill oneself and bring forth the unique value that lies within -- and share that value with society. Work exists for the joy of creating value.

It is just as he says. A person's work should bring happiness to others. Life is truly wonderful when you're needed somewhere. How boring and empty life would be if just because we had the means, all we did every day was pursue idle diversions.

MAKING MONEY

Especially for young people, it's important not to be overly concerned with salary. Along with doing your best where you are, it is best to have the spirit, "I'll do more than I'm paid for!" This is how you can train yourself.

To slack off at work just because the salary isn't generous is foolish. To receive a salary -- anything earned through honest labor -- is precious, regardless of the amount.

Of course, it is satisfying to receive a good salary, but $100 earned through one's hard work and efforts is a golden treasure -- whereas stealing that same $100 or acquiring it through other illicit means has no more value than dung or rubble. Stolen or extorted money is dirty. It will not bring happiness. As the saying goes, "Ill gotten, ill spent." Influential government officials who once enjoyed great prestige but who have been caught accepting bribes must live the rest of their lives labeled as criminals.

Ultimately, the greatest happiness is found in applying yourself with confidence and wisdom in your workplace as an exemplary member of society, working hard to achieve a fulfilling life and the well-being of your family. Those who do so are victors in life.

WORKING FOR A CAUSE

Is working for a good cause better than just having some job? Aspiring to devote yourself to a humane cause, to uphold human rights and act on your desire to work for the happiness and welfare of others, is a truly laudable ambition.

In no way does that mean, however, that you cannot contribute to peace and to the betterment of society unless you are in some special profession or organization. While I highly commend anyone who works for a charity or becomes a volunteer worker, there are many people striving for peace in their own humble specialties.

I have met many such people, like Rosa Parks, the mother of the American civil rights movement, who was working as a department store tailor's assistant when she became the catalyst for the famous bus boycott in Montgomery, Alabama, in 1955; and Argentina's Adolfo Prez Esquivel, a sculptor and architect, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for his activities to protect human rights.

The main thing is to be proud of the work you do, to live true to yourself. Activity is another name for happiness. What's important is that you give free, unfettered play to your unique talents, that you live with the full radiance of your being. This is what it means to be truly alive.

It is not because things are difficult, that we do not dare.

It is because we do not dare, that they are difficult.

nussd orientation..

ya it will be this fri, a whole day event, day n nite.. will include games n stuff. .and even playing 食字路口.. sounds fun rite? ya it's fun.. except that i will be a OGL.. oh no... well that is one of the condition when jason intro the job to me for last week.. haha.

aiya.. i dunno how i going to lead in cheers.. still have to think of a group name?? hmm, and an identity...n i not very close to my partner.. oh no no .. see how ba.. things will be alrite i believe.. ya..seriously i will rather have a backstage role than being one like a ogl.. oh well.. shall not complain.. shhhhh

250706.. happy 20th bday.. hoho

junyang performed for the alumni today

yeah. was treat to some gd things today at work again..

today's the annual homecoming at NUS.. basically for the alumni.. then well of cos there is food and of cos we got free buffet to eat again. but think some ppl really 现实.. eat liao, then nv even stay for the performance...cos in the end, junyang, who is one of the performer, came on stage to sing, the UCC was like left with only the staff lor..quite pathetic, but of cos we try to be spontanteous with the clapping n all that.. he sang 2 songs, his 1st hit, "沙沙的谁" and "love" think his "xian chang" is really not bad, though the music is a bit the loud.. then the OAR staff were like crazy fans, swarmed to him after the performance to take photo with him.. anyway there is so little ppl that can actually take close up with him.. but too bad my camera phone sucks..

anyway, another mediacorp artiste... evelyn kok also came.. she is also from the alumni, graduated from FASS n she sang a number of songs also.. actually her voice is not bad, but think she too nervous, forget some lyrics.

quite sian, my back hurts too much that i suppose i going to give ndp a miss today. actually i will have gladly go ndp still, but think that i still have young lion duty tmr early in the morning, really quite sian diao, but seriously, next time i really must learn to say no to ppl..instead of pure blind say yes..

next week will be a bz week, with orientation n stuff.. zzzz

a end to a nice job..

just a short 1 week job but was really enjoyable...those overseas students are really nice and friendly.. u really can see the bonds of friendship forming between them..quite 难得 i feel..

just feel a bit wasted that didn't attend the farewell dinner at Asian Civilisation Museum just now.. a $80 dinner.. heck e price of the meal, but it is really a last meal together for us also. Really lor, just now when the supervisor (actually a post grad) told us that he thought we going and wanted to take photo with us, it is really quite sian that we can't go lor. sometimes i really dunno how to prioritise thing. with so many things, which shd take priority?.. well, i suppose in the end, it's all abt sacrificing at times..

my back still hurts, but life still goes on

hurt so bad

nice song by 张敬轩。。 but that is not the pt.. my hip area is really hurting a lot.. so much that even sitting down sometimes hurt too.. not to mention walking.. better see a doctor.. AGAIN ..well done.. but of cos i can't let this pain affect my work n my ndp rehearsals.. life goes on

money not that much. but freebies freaking lots.

ya this is my job...

$8 an hr alot la, but the number of hours not that lot. but the freebies is really scary..haha.. free buffet breakfast, lunch, coffee break.. really eat till super shiok. just now go food court buy my dinner i feel abit sian, cos i had too much gd food liao! then always got excess food.. then e stuff da bao all! =s.. scary la..

then today they going esplanade.. we can go also sia.. free boat ride worth $12.. tmr they going sentosa, which we can go also..whole package is worth $45+ lor.. free entrance, cable car ride.. sky tower and even a buffet dinner worth $15.80! and some other stuff which i forget wat. so much lor!

then fri the doctoral students last day here.. got visit to museum + a farewell dinner at some restaurant, which i heard from my fren. is freaking gd lor..BUT i got things on on thurs n fri! =s .. sian.. how how! i can't even like bring my props go lor haha

anyway got other free stuff like the bag for laptop n stuff which is really quite nice etc etc.. shiok la

today also heard a chem engineer from china present his topic on separation of entiantiomers during microcapsule. catch some stuff. interesting n enriching hah

work work

today's work is short, till 230. then meet gm at queensway to shop.. we told gm to meet at 2, in e end we reached there at 330.. oops..haha. well we really thought he will come late, though he did came late at 230

anyway.. did some shopping.. the jeans there all freaking cheap, $20 a piece n looks nice.. wonder who they make $ from it.. saw some nice t-shirts, cheap also.. but dun have the colour or size i wan..nvm, next time can go back look again..today really tired, lack of slp.. doze off during dinner. lol

working on sat.. wat shd i do with my props.. somemore must be formal attire..but of cos last time agree to work liao..

eat free buffet for 3 meals + listen to free presentation n get paid..

wake up at 515 today, and had like only a total of only 8 hr slp for the past 2 days b4 that ( 4 hr yday). . so freaking tired.. but took a cab to sch, which hopefully i hope can claim..haha

anyway job's gd.. gd supervisors. nice frends to work with...anyway i working for the APRU doctoral student conference which spans 5 days.. in which doctoral students from universities ard the world will present their work..

so shiok, cos it's like they have buffet style breakfast everyday and we can eat those also, not forgetting reception, lunch and even coffee break.. food, food and more food. shiok sia. actually these students very frendly..haha cos me n my fren sitting there for reception then suddenly a jap student came n talk to us. haha

other than the food, the gd thing is we get to sit inside the room where they presenting their work. wat do we do? just make sure they load their powerpt slides b4 each session of presentation. and after that just stand there n timed, make sure they dun exceed the time limit.. i was placed in the "medical board" presentation room today..haha . get to hear their presentation n findings, such as vaccines for H5N1, and some other drugs which they tested... ok too much bio stuff for me, which i not that gd in, but really enjoy learning sth new..and get paid at the same time! how gd!

but realise the job is quite short compared to the alumni one.. cos the working hrs too short.. working till 230 tmr only and 12 pm on thurs. dun think will earn much this time, but i think will be enuff ba..haha. anyway the students get to visit places in singapore, like going for a ethnical tour tmr, esplanade visit on wed and even sentosa on thurs! think my supervisor ask my fren if he wan to go sentosa with them..haha. i think they will visit places like underwater world and wun be surprised if we go, we can visit for free! haha but i got ndp on thurs so suan le.ha

ok tt all for now =)

oh no .. think i will be half dead by end of next week

haha. think next time i just use my msn nick as a title for a post directly... then wun see boring post titles like.. "hmmm", "tired" .. haha

anyway..

gd news: thx to jason, i got a job.. ya nus again. gd pay $8 per hr again for a week..haha. dun u wish u got lots of nice frends who intro jobs to u?

bad news: after the luffing, it's time to cry.. tmr must reach sch at 7 in the morning. no 96 for me, that means taxi! :s. and tue also must reach early. actually they give u rooms to stay in pgp, but aiya sian dun really wish to stay in sch leh... see how ba for me. i dunno wat time job finish each day, but from the schedule it seems LATE.. therefore i foresee next week will be sooo tiring...

ok time to prepare go for jc class dinner

wat a succcessful ndp.. with wonderful pri 5 kids and a beautiful 龚诗嘉..

hah decided to just copy my msn nick here as the title

well think we are almost there, everyone did their best, but of cos there is still room for improvement, example finding the correct position asap, but i think tonite is really well done 85% there ba.. well but there is one thing that i hope we can do it so that the whole performance will be perfect, that is the 5 layer human tower.. ok i m not part of it, well they manage a 3 layer till now, almost a 4 layer.. well seriously hope they can put up a 4 or even 5 layer tower... cos it will be so 壮观。。but think tonite is really gd.. haha.. anyway something happen during the performance; when putting my props down to do a formation, the whole battery cover fell out, but darn heng, i fast enuff to put everything back to get ready to on the light..=)

anyway the audience is great too.. those pri 5 really can scream.. scary haha.. when i ran in, wah the whole stadium full of lights. as compared to last week.. really e whole place full.. anyway those kids screams when there is a surprise... so cute. haha. the only not gd thing is we must wait super long to leave today, i told them we shd continue with our rehearsal like last week after the whole thing end, cos by the time we go off, it's ard that time also.. and it's true, cos by the time we go from national stadium to indoor stadium, it's past our normal training time. anyway kudos to the soka stallion, which are the MD logistics for taking all our bags out so we can collect super fast today.. last week cos we collect inside the indoor stadium, so freaking crap and took so long. today so fast.. they really very xin ku, every week also must come like us, help us direct traffic and take care of our bags.. their committment is not less than us.

also thx to a block c md, derrick for sending me to yishun today, despite him staying in tampines.. the mds are all very nice ppl, hope to be like them next time

last part of cos must say abt 龚诗嘉.. lol she is really chio.. despite seeing her from a long distance again today.. haha .cos she will go on this "wedge" which will elevate her up and in her dress she really looks like an angel..too bad no chance to get photo with her. haha but still think she sang well today , and once again 放不下 is a nice song. haha

a long day.

went out from noon till now.. 12 hrs.. hmmm talk abt the bbq 1st.. haha. not really filling, in the end we are like primitives, must squat down there share food haha .. ok la quite fun. talk cock...tmr will a long day also, ndp all that

today saw scenes that i hope i wun see again. on hindsight it's totally my fault, as i said that time, i really just take ppl to granted.. so sorry.. i wun let such a thing happen today, and i really broken a promise i made lasst time, though casually.. well, actions speak louder than words

not a bad rehearsal

think today's rehearsal quite gd. the timing all correct. ya finally i can catch the timing.. but not feeling that well during the rehearsal cos i was quite "blind".. but actually turned out to be gd cos i will force myself to memorise number of steps instead of the marker n now i dare say i did it, didn't move wrong place, and i think not panicking and staying focussed is very important..haa

sat is the NE show, believed it will be a success.. tmr still got a long day, at nite got NUSSD bbq and sun got jc class outing..so much gatherings haha

sd concert..

this is the video of the nyp dance group that came to perform during our sd concert last month... too bad this is only a partial clip of the whole performance.. the whole performance is much much more impressive haha

anyway i can't paste the stupid link from youtube here... so u all gonna watch direct from there :S

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PwJHF59BWCI&search=soka

http://youtube.com/watch?v=JdrzLFpDC-0&search=soka

change change change!

there are things that i ought to do, yet didn't and things that i ought not do, yet i did... really must do my human revolution...if not, i can't do i really can't do kosen-rufu

anyway, aren't my pinky cute? haha =p

where's the money?

ya, think i didn't kept my own promise on this.. that is to get gold for my ippt..think i totally slacked and didn't do anything to get my $400.. think initially i was too lazy, actually now i also am, hmm just that some things prevented me from really exerting myself.. ok , actually this sounded like another excuse also.. what should i do? come on, someone come motivate me to get my $400 pls... haha

hmmm

pain in e back, everything else seem normal but went toilet abnormal number of times... 3 times in an hour? but the urine all clear, no foam even.. but just now talked to jason abt it .. think at this time when dunno wat happen, best thing is really to chant lots. just now read a testimonial of a cancer patient, fifth stage of Malicious Lymph cancer, who is completely cured.. by just the power of daimoku.

since it is in soft copy form, think i shall just paste it here ba.. though it's super long.ha

A LIFE DRAMA OF CHANGING KARMA INTO MISSION

By Aoki Masao (Yamanashi Prefecture, Nirasaki City)

This experience is the result of chanting vigorous daimoku and reading Ikeda sensei’s guidance over and over again. It is a life drama full of joy that, without the support and mercy of my wife, family, siblings and comrades in faith will not be born. It is definitely not an experience of my own, but the common joy I share with my comrades.

In Sensei’s guidance, he says ‘please accumulate good fortune and advance bravely by experiencing the greatness of Buddhism yourself and so by telling that to others’. During these six months, I have nearly experienced death and have realized therefore the greatness of the Gohonzon, the importance of gratitude towards Ikeda sensei and the importance of life. No matter what happens, chant Daimoku. Pray earnestly for the sake of Kosen-Rufu. I think its is wonderful being a member of Soka Gakkai.

On the afternoon of 21 Nov 01, I heard the explanation of my illness from my doctor, ‘Fifth stage of Malicious Lymph cancer’. I could hear the rest of his explanations… without doubts, I asked, ‘Does that mean I going to die?’ The doctor seemed to be choosing his words,’ Yes, I think you could think it that way….’ I could not think of what to say next. I have been hospitalized for three months since 16 Aug, and after many tests, the doctors have not been able to tell me the exact problem. I have had suspicions of my condition, but after receiving ‘death sentences’ from three doctors, my body and mind froze. I asked the blood specialist again, ‘How long can I live?’ ‘If you are young, a few more weeks, if you are more than 50, then think of it has a few months.’ he replied.

My body has not been acting normal since June, by July I felt discomforts in my chest and my stomach was bloated up. Come August, my weight has increased from 67kg to 80kg, and I could no longer lead a normal life. It has been six months since then. I have only six more months to live. At most 100 days before I could not move. I shook my head when I think that I will have to die when the sakura are in their blossom. I left my wife with the doctor, went back to my ward, lied on the bed and tears burst out. No words could describe the sorrow I felt then.

I want to go home! I want to be with my family! I want to go back to a room with the Gohonzon! My daughter is still 16. I want to give her the fatherly love that she needs. I want to create more good memories for her. Also, am I going to end up an ungrateful disciple? What am I going to say to all who have helped me out all this while? I have lots of things that I want to do. I have had just recovered from an intestine cancer operation February the year before. And yet this had to happen to me.

Ms Muramatsu, the nurse came in. She asked in a gentle voice. ‘Mr. Aoki, what would you like to do?’ I told her all he regrets I have and that I want to go home. Life in the hospital is no longer bearable. I have seen the patient of the bed in front of me, beside me, and even friends I made in the lobby, they have all suffered from the side effects of chemotherapy, got transferred to personal wards and in the end, never returned. My wife came back from the doctor’s and nodded when I told her I was going home. With complicated feelings, and unknown death ahead, I left the hospital.

Even after I got home, the death devil got ahead of me, my life condition sank and Gongyo and daimoku was only conducted as a formality. Though I was told of my approaching death, all I could think of was to commit suicide. I thought of dying at the mountains, the river, the valley, etc. I burnt my clothes in the backyard and changed paper of the shoji doors in preparation of my funeral. The death devil really makes one lose his strength to live. It makes uses of the illness of the heart. It makes fun of the human soul. What’s more, it strangely makes you feel at ease.

It was during this time, my wife’s friend; Ms Hayakawa who has overcome cancer twice came to visit, together with Ms Kobayashi from Kofu. Ms Kobayashi started to speak without much ado, ‘You must overcome cancer by chanting daimoku!’ She had her own style of speaking, a style that was full of confidence, confidence of the immense power of the Gohonzon and Daimoku, and the merciful heart of Ikeda sensei. Perhaps because I did not brace up with those words, she went on to a harsher tone. ‘Mr. Aoki! You were told that you are going to die, aren’t you? Your life condition is that being eaten up by the devil right now! Please chant daimoku that will break this devil, chant till your legs are worn out, please chant at least 10 hours a day! Isn’t this just the right time for you to chant daimoku from the bottom of your life?’ I was dazed by these harsh words from a person whom I have met for the first time, words from a lady who is much younger than myself. But I’m glad she did. My blood seemed to flow backwards and my body became hot. I came to my realization then. This is indeed the voice from Heaven, my Shoten Zenjin! Courage to challenge myself surged up. I immediately sat down in front of the Gohonzon. That day I chanted till late night; the next day, from six in the morning till late night. Same for the following day and the next, I just chanted and chanted. I chanted 50 hours in three days.

In President Akiya’s encouragement postcard were the words,’ penetrate your whole body with sonorous daimoku.’ I can really understand the meaning of the word ‘penetrate’ now. I have never heard of anyone who died from chanting too much daimoku; only heard of people getting better or cured. With that in mind, I chanted 10, 12 hours day and night in front of the Gohonzon. In the middle of the night when the sick devil attacks, I get out of bed and chanted. No matter day or night, I felt most at east in front of the Gohonzon. I became convinced that, I could destroy the illness of the heart and the death devil, with the power of daimoku. My life condition was stronger, and I regained energy to fight on. I chanted with the ichinen that, chanting is the only big job I had in this world. Without saying, my wife, kids and comrades chanted for me too.

At this time, my hair dropped whenever I tried to comb it. Dandruff fell like snow, my body became itchy and I suffered from diarrhea. Nevertheless I chanted, like I was confronting the Gohonzon, with a loud voice as if I were screaming or yelling. Gradually, I felt more peaceful. I took up the volume six of the ‘wisdom of the lotus sutra’ and started reading.

In the beginning of the chapter of the Medicine King, Ikeda Sensei says, ‘what is the purpose of life? It is to change one’s life condition’. ‘When you face the Gohonzon and chant, the Medicine King of your own life starts to work. The power of one’s own life is what heals sickness… Courage surged and my life was on fire each page and each guidance I read. I devoured the pages with joy. The floods of Sensei’s guidance filled my head and chest and I felt like singing from the bottom of my life. The ‘Song of Joy’ and ‘Dance of Joy’ were the songs of life. When the channel of life is in tune with the Gohonzon and daimoku, and feelings for sensei and the gear of life fits together, even as an ordinary man, the workings of Buddha will appear and cause impossible things to happen. From the bottom of my heart, I felt fortunate to have met the Gohonzon and Ikeda sensei, and to be a member of Soka Gakkai. When I told my wife about how I felt, she said,’ I’m sure it’s all part of the Gohonzon’s plans for you to fall ill so that you can realize all these! You have realized things that you would not have realized if you have not had contracted cancer twice consecutively in two years’ time. Gohonzon has saved you from your filthy life. It has changed you from a self-conceited man to a person who can make efforts for the sake of others.’

During this period of time, I often saw images of people who had passed away due to cancer coming for me. I will always scream out that I would not go with them, chant daimoku and read sensei’s books. The person who prays most for Kosen-Rufu; the person who makes most efforts in the world, that person is Ikeda sensei. I sincerely prayed for sensei’s good health everyday. Then I realized that, there are many people who are protecting sensei in the daytime, however only Mrs. Ikeda will be by sensei’s side at when night falls. Kosen-Rufu will not advance if Mrs. Ikeda is not in good health. Then I resolved to pray for Mrs. Ikeda too.

When I have chanted about 1 million daimoku, I saw the image of myself presenting my experience of overcoming cancer at the Yamanashi kaikan. At this time, chanting daimoku is not unbearable or obligation, but has become enjoyable and I could feel time passing very fast. It was no longer daimoku of just shouting out loud but daimoku of smooth rhythm that echoes my body.

Come January 11, for a change, my daughter suggested that we go for a movie. We went to watch the animation ‘Spirited Away’; a movie that I thought is based on Buddhist thinking right from the beginning. The words of the main character Haku shook my heart. ‘Please let me work here! … Even if you are refused, you must keep praying. Those who do not work in this world will become animals.’ I could not help but say out loud, ‘Gohonzon, please leave me in this world. Please let me work in this world. Let me work for Kosen-Rufu!’

January 13, keeping it from me, my wife met up with Mr. Matsumura from the Doctors Group and Mrs. Sugawara. It was to make arrangements for me to go to the hospital again. Mrs. Sugawara made every effort and managed to get the local hospital to refer me to a well-noted doctor in a hospital in Tokyo. Shoten Zenjin is starting to work for us. I was to visit the hospital that I hated so much again.

January 17, all four members of our family got up and did Gongyo and chanted daimoku in the early morning. We took the 7am train. I could see our house from the platform. Tears flowed, as the thought that I might not be able to see this house again if I had to be hospitalized came to mind. At the hospital, I met with the doctor Mr. Nishinarita who kind of resembles Toda sensei. He looked at the referral letter and said, ‘it must been hard on you for the past six months’, and after various tests, he told me to go back for the results in a week’s time.

January 24, together with my wife and eldest son, we went to the hospital. Three of us could not say a word out of anxiety. My name was called. The doctor looked through the test results. Finally the doctor looked up at me and opened his mouth. ‘Based on all the tests we have done, we have found no abnormalities. But, as a doctor, I cannot accept it, judging from your previous cancer test results from the local hospital. I’m sure you will not believe it either, let’s run a few more tests that we normally do not do.’… My wife knelt down on the floor and said,’ doctor, I am sorry to interrupt, but does that mean that the cancer has disappeared?’ ‘Yes, that is based on the results here. However we will have to conduct a bone-marrow test on the 28th before we can conclude. It will be quite painful but it will be the final test. It’s usually a test to confirm the presence of illnesses, but this time it is the other way round. Unbelievable.’ I said boldly, ‘I chanted more than 400 hours of daimoku before I came to this hospital. I believe this is the result of my prayers!’ The doctor and the interns standing behind smiled and nodded. The moment we came out of the room, my wife took my hands and said in a voice like she was trying to calm herself down, ‘you have recovered! The cancer has disappeared! Namyo-ho-ren-gekyo!’ Even my son who is usually a cool person nodded again and again, ‘that’s great, that’s great!’ As for me, it was like a dream…

January 28, I went to the hospital with my wife. The last test; extraction of bone marrow was excruciating. The result was to be out on the February 14. During this period of time, besides chanting daimoku, we also made efforts for shakubuku. We managed to shakubuku the husband of a young Mrs.. February 10, it was my 54th birthday. Together with my family, we went to the Gakkai Headquarters and five of us chanted daimoku side by side.

Finally, it was February 14; I went to the hospital with only my wife. We arrived 5 minutes earlier but the doctor was 20 minutes late due to a meeting. It was a long 20 minutes wait. The doctor finally came. ‘I have put all the data in order. From my point of view as a doctor with many years of experience, this is something that cannot be understood by common sense. I can only say that this is an exceptional case. All your results show no abnormalities. You can go back to live a normal life from tomorrow.’ ‘I was left in this world. I am given work in this world.’ 8 months since the illness started; 3 months since I was given the ‘death sentence’; days of chanting daimoku; days of reading sensei’s guidance… My wife stayed kneeled down on the ground. She bowed deeply and cried, expressing her gratitude to the Gohonzon, Ikeda sensei, fellow comrades, and all others, and also the doctor. I was also so grateful and touched that the moment I stepped out of the room tears just flowed down. It was feelings beyond just happiness or joy. ‘I made it because I had my wife with me.’ I expressed my gratitude to the Gohonzon for sending the best WD to be my wife. The first job for me who have prayed to have work in this world is to talk about my experience. I resolve to change my karma into my mission with daimoku, and build the drama of Kosen-Rufu to a higher level!

ndp daimokukai..

hmm today went for the ndp daimokukai, paiseh to say, the 1st time i went, out of the 3..hmm think the chanting wasn't long, ended at 815, and well the whole thing ended early also..

well, we saw our ndp performance last sat.. lol, our counting was so loud that the stand could hear.. hmm the thing as a whole looks ok ba, but a lot of improvement must be made...the musical notes however had to be improved.. can't see the display at all.. e 2 layer fan looks gd.. but the light on that day they nv on properly, the last part shd be on light cos got a 3 layer tower? but they nv on, somemore got fireworks, cos the middle main attraction was like totally ignored..

sian, lost my aircon duct for the props, must take it on thurs... hmm must really go count the steps from one formation to the next, cannot lose my spot again this sat. kallang or sscc this sat? hmm

anyway must thanks mcvin for the ride to n from tampines just now, reached home at ard 1015, which is like super fast.. hehe

shdn't have let him take..

yes treguzuet didn't play much match, he shdn't have kicked e penalty.. zidane's fault also, if he nv get red card, he will have scored on also...barthez didn't saved a single, instead i think he anyhow dive one..

anyway i was correct, draw, penalty and italy broke their curse .. italy is definitly the favourites but if say for e match itself, france did deserve some credit, but every match will have winners n losers.. just live with it

sadly, it was baggio who missed e crucial penalty in 1994, but at that time he was playing with injury. but other than that, baggio is really a brilliant player.

u are so dumb..

yes zidane, wat a way to end ur career.. after over a hundred caps, u end ur career with a red card, a dumb head butt

ymd formation day...

yeah went for the meeting today, compared to the one i went for on fri, the context is slightly different... but think can see the hard work everyone put in to make sure the concert is a success.. anyway the urban passion dance is power.. haha gd to have talents in our rhq5

anyway, watching the finals now. think the 1st goal for france through penalty is not deserved cos i think that's a dive. but italy got their well deserved equaliser. and they nearly got more, through the same corner and same position but they are unlucky. strangely italy nv really score from that same position in the past games.. maybe it's just france set pieces that is lousy..

anyway was thinking of the possible outcome.. italy n france to draw. then play penalty and italy win. it will be a "funny" outcome cos italy nv in penalty. well, i like to see uncommon outcomes. ha. may e best team win

is there a need for it?

yeah ronaldo, can stop diving? his footwork is gd.. yet he must retort to diving... somemore in front of referee. he lucky no yellow card, think he can get 2 yellow n get sent off for diving. will be headlines.

anyway, forget to add in the previous post.. 龚诗嘉 looks really quite chio..hehe saw her, ok la. not in person. she was like 20 m away, cant see properly, but from the screen, with her dressed in white, she really look like an angel, anyway liked her new song. and ya think she deserved to sing in this year's ndp

also i must say hi to the person who visited my blog from nus.. wonder who are u ..shiva2-14.comp.nus.edu.sg .. hi and pls come again.

we can do better

yeah.. today's performance is for the saf family day, and next week will be the NE show. seriously i was shocked when walking from kallang mrt station to nation stadium to see so many ppl coming today. anyway, sorry to say i didn't really try my best to give out the 5 tickets i have. 1 reason is cos of last week's performance, think it's really not gd enuff to call frends come and also i thought few ppl will come so suan le, but well, due to the colour simplification on thurs, today's performance is 70% there ba.. the wheel formation is superb if u ask me.. the 1 and 2 layer fan looks superb on the screen. but the transport formation the arrow lit up not fast enuff...but still got time for improvement

anyway i believe we will improve n improve n will achieve our best.. haha.. had kfc today. broke my rule of not eating fast food for 2 weeks. but the kfc is nice and got so much extra also haha. hmm ok tt for now, maybe will write more later haha

taking ppl for granted..

sad to say i m very guilty of this.. must really learn to cherish everyone...

went sch today, to get my timesheet, yeah got another assignment on the 22 july and after that went to as7 and got another ad hoc job.. yeah nus always pay well $8 per hr again. can do even during term time, but that requires more consideration but i will try to arrange my time properly. anyway its a gd job, work at multimedia lab, so will prob get to learn video n even sound editing; can learn n get paid, any better deal?

hey singnet

u sucks.. knn. so its my connection that is causing all the shit for the past few days..

hey singnet, pls wake up ur idea. ppl dun pay u for the shit connection

yeah it's much better..

today's rehearsal was gd.. but i think mainly cos e light sequence is greatly simplified as compared to last time.. cos last time for example for one of the formation, 4 counts of 8, last time is "off, red, half blue, half white, yellow" now is changed to "off, red, red, blue" and got another formation, e light is supposed to show 3 arrows, then must alternate on the colour, but now the formation, our group dun even need to do. lol

sat will be a CR with ppl watching. everything must go on well. and it will

france vs italy..

hmm, no comeback goal, but france did win.. by a penalty.. actually that wasn't really a penalty. there cfm got contact la, but seriously henry just fell to get the penalty. too bad. who ask carvalho to try to get the ball even after he fall? but ronaldo is definitely the biggest diver..

anyway, think scolari's gentlemanly to say france deserve to win despite them losing to a penalty... well too bad, portugal didn't take their chances, if not, it will be a diff story altogether

hmm got this from SGI website..

ya, just now googling for roberto baggio and found an interesting article with a quote.. ya baggio is a soka member...

"A pro must win. It is his mission to keep on winning and inspire courage in others. That is why I take pride in what I do." -- Roberto Baggio

need to do constructive things...

too slack at home.. this sucks.. seriously been wasting my life away.. must not let it continue..

i realised sth.

quite some time i hear sth on radio abt the sway mouth of pele.. cos the djs are saying that watever pele say abt brazil, the opposite happens, last time dunno he say brazil will win in the end sth..

and it really happens again, cos pele at that time predict brazil will win the world cup this time round and well, they lost.. haha

italy win, think they deserve it, cos they hit e crossbar twice. at least it was decided in extra time.. dun wish to see penalty where really, whichever team which go out is sway also.. anyway i was rite on the 0-0 draw.. as for tonite game.. i predict france to win 2-1, and it shd be a comeback win

tired...

today at work really go move stuff.. me n gm moved like 30 boxes, and abt 30 stacks of magazines.. they printed like 30 x 50 magazines for the month of july, dunno wat they going to do abt it.. seems like a freaking waste of money zz

other than moving those stuff, quite slack; put papers, pencil, glasses and coasters at each seat, check whether 6 clocks are working and set according to the time of some countries.. haha.. also get to slack quite a lot; i even fall aslp after lunch lol.. but the bad thing for now is, i haven't get my time sheet signed! they too fast, just like 3 min past 6 pm, all rushed off :s..

and i didn't printed my timesheet yet so looks like i have to make another trip back to sch again.. hope can have another job sometime this week, then got chance to go back w/o wasting time

tonite got soccer! but sian no chance to nap b4 that, didn't bet anything. but i cfm italy eat 1.5 sure win.. think it might be a 0-0 or 1-1 draw game

bloody pissed...

bloody hell stuck at home, going to be late for work cos no key to go out.. nth to say

we need to improve!

ya, today's the 2nd combined rehearsal (CR), with fireworks..

think last week our 1st CR is quite messy because we dun even have time to line up properly when the music start so it's quite bad.. today went for ndp at 3pm, thought that we started well and believed that this CR will be much better.. but sad to say, i was wrong.. think it 's super much worse than last week.. 1 thing is cos today off all lights can't see e marker at all. but today our performance is really not gd at all.. not gd is a under-statement. e timing are all wrong and we really got a lot more to do.. the last 3 formation is like not practised at all.. and ndp is 8 rehearsals away! sian.. but my mum say we always very messy during rehearsals but on the actual day we always do it, and this time it will be no exception! anyway next sat will have our 3rd CR and it's some saf family day, got tickets to go watch and i got 4 tickets haha but well, given our below par performance, seriously dun really dare to ask ppl go watch but who wants tickets i can give.. haha . at least got fireworks haha

sian my props spoilt, must go early repair. anyway today got sfi food for dinner. so sian. why no pizza hut! and i go there everyone is eating icecream, jason hao xin wan to get 1 for us each and that stupid army personnel say cannot take.. in e end dinner nv give us ..zzzz. nvm tmr i buy my own. haha..

how scary..

odds for france drop to 2+ 3 for the semi, runner up or winners.. from 6,10 and 13.. well looks like i just missed e chance to win some $

yeah...

france won.. haha brazil n england go out.. shiok.. so i was right on that france will win, and once again it was a half time draw game.. actually england is just destined to go out la.. both lampard n gerrard can miss penalty.. wat can i say? haha

france to go into finals? highly possible

the odds are against france..

yeah.. the odds of them being kicked out in the semi is 6+? and runner up 10 + while to win world cup 13.5! so it means that they are strongly predicted to be kicked out by brazil today..seriously anything can happen, think brazil not playing nicely also.. so i dun mind they get kicked out, anyway that is also to say, buying the 3 options for france, if they nv get kicked out today, means cfm win $ liao.

anyway it seem like almost every match of the last 16, are 1st half draw games. actually most are no goals also.. except of cos, yday game when italy was obviously much better than the ukrainians.

it's still early to say who will win e world cup, though i will say confidently, definitely not england. i wun even wish to see them in the finals pls

hhehe

just now went for a free movie treat at yishun 10.. hehe thx someone for the movie pass ah.. anyway watched "just my luck".. quite a nice show, funny at some part, but i suppose such things wun happen in real life, as in how can someone be so lucky n how can be so unlucky. but i suppose it was "just our luck" that the movie theatre was really quite cold, freezing cold in fact..haha

also had twister fries just now, treat someone too. actually it taste like potato wedges but it's nice la. anyway today finally meet up after 2 long weeks due to ict n work. sorry for wat happened few days ago but everything's ok liao =)

hopefully later can catch e france brazil match. france to win odds is really high at $5. somehow i got a hunch that they can draw or win.

yeah i was rite..

lol watching italy vs ukraine now. poor ukraine. they nearly equliased just now but buffon was too pro. he saved a almost point blank save by fisting e ball away.. ukraine got another chance but was blocked by a defender... but the poor thing is, 60 sec later, italy scored to make it 2-0 now. and ukraine header just hit the bar again...

anyway i was rite. germany win by penalty. i suppose the "host will go far" theory is quite true. germany vs italy, i will say germany will win that though..

last day at work..

ya . an end to my one week job stint.. not bad la. earn over 400 + in ard 6 days.. would have hit 500 if i worked last fri also, though no chance for that. actually gd thing abt me working is, i will slp early, not play game n eat more also.. cfm better than my no life lifestyle

anyway think n know more things through this job. and i have a more immediate aim liao. and of cos i will make sure i do it

anyway today sth really funny happened during work. it happened in the morning and it is cfm the joke of the day.. what happen is, this guy, after he printed out the particulars form, i asked him to sign.. then he asked why his degree is "bachelor of engineering - year 1". why is there a year 1. it's actually sth wrong with the system( which they didn't do anything abt it) and alot of students have that "year 1" thing..

then i told him "you can just cancel the "year 1"".. it sounded like a short reply. so i added " you can write your major". and what did he do?

ya he cancel the year 1 as i told him. and then? he wrote "major" on the paper. =_=

it's so freaking funny when i told the rest n showed them the paper. and of cos i tried the same trick on the others.. ok no same response, though one signed next to the cancelled part.

anyway germany argentina, score is 1-1 now. unlucky argentina, 1st choice gk is injured. but i dun understand why the coach replaced riquelme. i mean he replace with a dmc, ok la, but riquelme is definitely effective still leh. well may e best team win.. think my initial prediction will be true, draw and go into extra time. anyway i think if really go into penalty, might be germany to go through, as it always happen for the host

To dare, to dream, to win

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